Maybe somebody can explain to me…

This is supposed to be some kind of mascot for Twitter or something. I think his name is "Hopkins".

…why I should start a twitter account and start tweeting. I don’t know, I just don’t feel it is necessary to tell people what I’m doing all the time or even a little of the time or even once a day. Am I getting old? Probably I am, but that’s not the answer. I don’t know anybody (personally) who uses Twitter. It’s all the rage right now. I can’t imagine anybody being interested in “Going to Kroger’s for some milk.” I have a blog, obviously, a couple of websites, a Flickr account, a myspace I never use or check, and countless e-mail addresses. Twitter can wait.

Twitter looks like a huge text messaging party line. Nothing interesting is being said even by interesting people. Paul Potts, blogged about him earlier, had a tweet that said, “Just landed in Philadelphia.” Now, if that was him, and it might have really been, that’s just boring. At least tell us something like, “Just landed in Philadelphia and police frisked me for a toothbrush then asked me for my autograph, but I said no and got arrested for rudeness.” See – better.

I try to blog daily, at least every other day, because it’s fun and a creative, relaxing outlet for me AND because various people have told me they read it and enjoy it. Having all these multimedia “things” I’m involved in seems like I’m not private, but I actually am private. I just blog about general stuff, nothing very personal.

Tweeting for me would be like the following faux-tweets…

Got to work on time this morning. | Just had a cup of coffee. | Watching Fox news. | Had lunch. | Teaching. | Had dinner. | Going to bed now.

Who wants to read that? I don’t even want to type that. And that would be every day.

End of line.

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Texting Protocol

DUIT = Driving Under the Influence of Texting

There needs to be some text messaging protocol set up by someone somewhere. I get text messages all the time, and most people get it. Some people don’t. Some people – what are they thinking?

My Text Messaging Protocol:

1. Succinct: Text messaging used to be called SMS (Short Message Service) back in the day. If you’re going to send me a text message, please remember SMS. If you plan on giving me a bunch of text, like almost 100 words (seriously) just e-mail me. That’s what that is for.

2. Obvious: Make sure you’re sure that I know what you’re talking about before you text me. Don’t ask me something like, “Is that okay?” I have no idea.

3. Spelling: I know those phone keyboards are little, but if you don’t have T9 turned on (text corrections and recognition that changes your typing automatically to what it ‘thinks’ you wanted to type) and if you have fingers that resemble sausages and type clusters of crazy character – just call me. That’s what that’s for.

4. Conversations: Please don’t text me with a conversation. E-mail. Call. Please.

5. Brief Answers: I love when I can reply “Yes” or “No” to a text message. I shouldn’t have to explain the turn-by-turn route to Baton Rouge from Chicago on a text message. SMS!

I have one friend who shall remain nameless (Theron) and we constantly text insults back and forth. I love it. Very fun. Very quick. And you can save them and read them later and laugh again.

On the other hand, my wife and I text message each other…well, never mind.

Texting is great for the following: to be private, to get quick answers to simple questions, to announce arrivals or departures, to give information that does not require a response or remark. Remember: SMS.

AIM is great on the iPhone. You can set up your AIM account to forward to your phone’s texting inbox. How great is that. No extra fees. And no matter where I am if someone texts me to my AIM account number, it either arrives in my AIM window or as a text message if I’m off-line. Then on my iPhone I just open AIM and reply back – for free.

So in conclusion: Short, Obvious, Announcements, Quick Questions, or Insults From Friends. If everyone would abide by these texting rules I would be a much happier iPhoner.

Or you could just call me. Remember those days? Just calling somebody? Interacting? I didn’t think you did.

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Instant Messages Are Not Fast Enough

iPhone = Texting Constantly (TC)

We live in a hectic world. People are busy. We are too busy for instant messaging even. We have to say IM’ing or texting. I used to type HAHAHA at my friends, but now everybody has shortened it to LOL. Is HAHAHA really too hard to type? LOL is half the length. Half the effort. Half the time.

I guess I’m ripping all these people who are in a rush, but I’m in a rush, too. I’m so in a rush that my friends and I have developed an even more sophisticated form of instant messaging that we can micro messaging. (Copyright 2009 Stacy Bearden) We don’t have time for real communication. Who does? Why bother with relationships and intimate dialogue?

I know you need to get your grubby hands on this new, streamlined form of texting, so here we go. The shortened versions of everyday sentences my friends and I text each other is complex, yet quick. Here are some of our abbreviated vocabulary creations.

TMBATMLE = Text me back after this music lesson ends.

NSICTRNIT = No, seriously, I can’t talk right now. I’m teaching.

LIYCRMBTIJWTAA = Listen, if you can’t respect my boundaries then I just won’t talk at all.

WDYMYGBTTDTTMBL = What do you mean, “You’ve got better things to do than text me back later?”!!!

IDCIIAEIMALH = I don’t care if it’s an emergency. I have a living to make here!

OSNIGTBLTHWYMTYT = Oh, so now it’s going to be like that, huh? Well “Yo Mamma” to you, too!

NIDMTAYMSQANL = No, I didn’t mean that about your Mother. She’s quite a nice lady.

YISYPEAISJTMN = Yes, I see your point. Emergencies are important, so just tell me now.

YCWUATLETTMYRMBTI = You couldn’t wait until after this lesson ended to tell me you read my blog today? Idiot!

Although these abbreviations seem difficult to memorize, and although you’re only seeing my half of the microsation (Copyright 2009 Stacy Bearden) it’s been a real time saver for my friends and me.  I’m going to start talking this way in everyday life. Due to the intellectual content of my friends’ verbal conversations with me, this method of conversation will have to improve the value of our chats. It will at least improve the privacy.

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